So, I am up 2 pounds…I know, I know…and yes, it is my fault, it is a combination of excuses that I have for all of you today. It has just been a bad week all together, on Sunday, my Uncle succumbed to Liver Cancer, and it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would, I knew he was sick, I was preparing myself for the inevitable, but it happened so fast, from the date of diagnosis, it was only 5 weeks in total, and 3 weeks ago we all went to dinner, and he was able to walk and talk and move. It really happened fast, and seeing him there, he looked so small, as if he was sleeping. He was such a great man, I am truly going to miss him.
The rest of my week started out the best it could, I stayed within my calories till Wednesday, and on Wednesday, I decided I needed to eat everything that we have. I had no willpower, I felt like I was starving, and I ate all the bad things that I normally don’t eat at all…You name it, I ate it, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, meat, cheese, (ok, I eat meat and cheese, just typically not massive amounts of cold cuts standing with my fridge door open) I just grazed through everything, what is it with binge eating, I did extremely well for 2 months, and then all of a sudden, there I am standing at my counter shoving my face with all the crap that we have in the house. And because the day started like that, I stopped and picked up pizza for the kids for dinner, and of course, I ate some of that too.
So on Thursday, the only day this week that had a little light, I did well, stayed relatively within my calories, and enjoyed a night with my daughter, she had her art featured at a gallery in Toronto, she is a 4th year Photography major, and it is a pretty big deal, and I am very proud of her.
Then today, my period started…Need I say more? I just want to throw the towel in and eat all the bad things that my body is craving, and it is really hard to be strong right now, I had a bit of a binge day today as well. I just had this “fuck it” like feeling, that all of us feel sometimes.
Anyway, I apologize for this not being the positive post that I normally have, and really, I don’t normally have bad days, let alone weeks, I’m typically a very happy person, and believe that I have a lot to be happy about and grateful for.
I vow to make next week a much better week, I am going to stay within my calories and beat this negative feeling.