My Pity Party

Pity Party

Ok, here I am, tail between my legs, and back to face the fire.  So I had a bad day, ate everything and then decided I needed to go on a two week binge.

What is wrong with me?  Does this happen to other people?  What happens with me is I have one great night, with friends and drinks and food, and for whatever reason I wake up the next day and continue on the “cheat day”.  Then the next day, I say “fuck it, I probably put on 5 pounds over the last two days, so why not just eat what I want right now”.  That last for a few days, and I refuse to get on the scale and my clothes get a little bit tighter, and then I go through hating myself a little more, and finally, I tell myself I will make a clean and fresh start on Monday.  Again, I ask myself, what is wrong with me?

In light of my absence from blogging, and the binging that I did, I managed to weigh in at 159 pounds, which is only a pound more than when I had my great weigh in of 158 pounds.

I feel like I am back on track now, and I have made the realization that I really need this blog, I need the support of fellow bloggers, and I can’t just sit here on my own having a pity party.


I am really focusing again, and for the last week, I have done well, but what scares me is next Saturday, I am hosting my annual Candy Poker Party.  Candy Poker was invented when I was pregnant with my son, I wanted to have some fun, and because I couldn’t drink and party, I figured that I could play cards and eat candy and well, from that Candy Poker was born, this is year is our 9th annual.  Now, I know what your thinking, but really, I don’t eat a lot of the candy, that is what we bet with and even when things are said and done, I typically don’t binge on that, my real issue is imbibing in alcohol and eating the other party snacks.  I make an awesome baked brie, with pizza dough and garlic, and you can rip off the dough and dip it in to the hot brie…it is to die for!  There are also healthy items like spinach dip and veggies, and cheese and crackers, but it is just the amount of food, and I tend to eat more when I drink.  Now, really, I don’t care about that night, I can say to myself that is a cheat night, what worries me is the next 2 weeks after Candy Poker.

That is where I need help, my goal is not to stay away from the blog and reach out for support.

If anyone has any other suggestions, I would be happy to hear them, as for now, I am back, I have a whole week to get back to where I was, and hopefully, we can stay on track.

Back on Track




19 thoughts on “My Pity Party

  1. I have off days all the time, where I either consume a lot of unhealthy foods or too much of my regular diet. Even though I’m disappointed with myself, I always remember that tomorrow is another day. If I eat badly one or two days a week but perfectly on the rest, then I’m still making progress. Try not to be so hard on yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Emma, I tend to throw in the towel so easily, I do go to bed and think tomorrow is a new day, but, then wake up, and do pretty good for breakfast and lunch, but then mid-day something takes over and I feel the need to eat all those things that I’m supposed to have in moderation, and just binge. I am working on not being hard on myself, but that is difficult.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I can totally relate to this!! Don’t beat yourself up, it’s a journey and there are setbacks, things cannot be perfect or remain ideal. .it’s just life! It’s all about putting those negative feelings aside and telling them to shut it, picking yourself up and moving forward. Progress, not perfection 😉 ok now I need to go and take my own advice, have had a shocki ng 2 weeks myself and need to get back on the right track 👍👏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Fitdeedee, I am a very positive person, I can encourage, motivate and uplift, but funnily enough, I can’t do those same things for myself. I get myself into a rut, and it takes me a while to get out of it, my positive from this is that sometimes this is when I quit trying completely, but I have decided I must keep going, so instead of two months, or two years, I am back! I noticed a lot of us have had a hard time lately, maybe it’s the weather, change in season or just a weird coincidence, but whatever it is, let’s get back on track on move on!!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh my goodness! This SOOOO sounds like me! What we are going to do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and put in the work. What is done is done. It cannot be undone. The only thing we can do is move forward from this moment.

    We got this!! 2016 is OUR YEAR TO CONQUER!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Today was a BAD food for me:

        I had a Women Marines Association meeting. I selected a healthy option for lunch but then had strawberry shortcake topped with ice cream for dessert. Then this evening, the hubby and I went out to dinner at Hacienda. I ate half of my regular-sized shredded beef burrito . . . but then had their sizzling hot apple pie for dessert. It was topped with ice cream, too!! As we were driving home from the restaurant, I told my husband I felt like I was nine months pregnant because I ate too damn much!! What is terrible is I wasn’t hungry when I got home from my meeting. 😦

        Tomorrow is a new day. We WILL be back on track!!!!

        I’m telling you . . . 2016 is OUR YEAR!!!! ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I always eat when I’m not hungry and especially dessert, don’t sweat it, it’s not as bad as you think, and tomorrow is a new day, today I was totally unhealthy, but made some slightly healthier choices, so you see, for breakfast I had a 90 calorie fibre one bar, and then over the period of the next few hours till 6:30 I had 3 turkey pepperettes for a grand total of 150 calories. The reason for this…we were going to the movies, so I was going to have popcorn, because I love movie theatre popcorn, but then I realized from my Google searches that popcorn was going to put me way over even though I really didn’t use up my calories…So I put CheeChas which are like potato puff type things and very light, so I can have 40g for only 168 calories, I put 4 servings in a large ziplock to share with my daughter…and I also had skittles, the amount I ate was about 1/2 a bag, so I weighed the rest when I got home to figure out the calories and it came up to 360. My plan next is ice cream and mini eggs… So I stayed under 1200 calories, but at the same time, I didn’t do it in a healthy way, it’s not really a win, but sometime you have to sacrifice a good healthy meal for crap, right?? 🙂 ahem… Tomorrow is a new day, for both of us… Sorry for being long winded… Just trying to show you that you aren’t doing as bad as you think!! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Sorry for not getting back sooner. On Sunday, I had a migraine and avoided electronic devices.

        I do not mind long winded! I am VERY long winded! No wonder we get along so well! Two peas in a pod!! 😀

        Today (Monday) saw me get back on track. Sunday, I was down for the count with a migraine. I was still a bit wiped out this morning.

        “A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.” ~ Wade Boggs

        The funk we’ve felt the past couple of weeks is DEPARTING! We are kicking it out of a moving vehicle!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. For me personally the key is recognizing a few key things – eating crappy food is not a reward it’s a punishment for my body, and probably the most important thing that covers a lot of reasons why I used to binge – I am worth eating healthy and in healthy amounts, and regardless of what I eat, I am still going to have good and bad days, deal with difficult people and harsh situations. Eating to feel better isn’t going to change that or actually make me feel better. A lot of people use food, alcohol and drugs and other addictions as crutches. If they want to fall back on those things it’s their choice. I used to feel a bit hard done by like I was missing out, and think well to hell with it, I will just go ahead and eat what I like. (Specially if it was one of those people making my life hard – it was like I was rebelling and saying well I’ll show them.) LOL all I did was make myself unhappy. It didn’t affect them. These are the reasons I used to binge. Food was used for entertainment. It isn’t entertainment. Or it was used for comfort which would last precisely the amount of time the food was in my mouth but then I had to deal with guilt, self hatred and all the other negative feelings on top of the situation that was causing me to seek comfort. So I lost all round. These days I’m focusing on facing fears, becoming more confident and happier on the inside so I don’t need to rely on food to help me through. I know these scenarios are a bit different to what you are talking about but I came to understand the underlying reasons only become apparent after a lot of soul searching and the main thing it come down to was how much did I value myself?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is deep, after reading your comment I am seeing things in a different light, I have grown up on food being a reward, I have even gone ahead and treated myself to Dairy Queen for losing weight, which doesn’t seem right at all. The only thing is, sometimes during the binge, I can’t see past the moment, what I mean is that, something else takes over, and my rational side can’t step in and say, look, you are binging, just stop. I get the guilty feelings later, but in the moment, it is only my brain and my stomach working together to sabotage the rest of me. I understand what you are saying, but then what I need help with is, how do I undo 40+ years of how I think about food, and my relationship with food. My relationship with food has always been unhealthy, for example, when I am invited to a party, I think about the food, what food will they have, how much will there be, of course, I am not all self-involved, I love going out and socializing with my friends, but food is important, not more important then friends, but more important then the music, the event itself, and the venue.

      My other issue is, and I don’t want this to come out as pity me or anything, but for the most part of my life, I have hated myself, I know this sounds terrible, but I hate the way I look, my whole life my family told me I was fat, and all my life I was fat, and most of my life, I have been disgusted with me, and I physically and emotionally don’t know how to love me for who I am. One day, I want to be where you are, because you do value yourself, and my value will come when the weight is gone, I know I have other great qualities, great friends and people who love me, but when it comes down to it, I don’t feel that way about me, right now, I am not good enough, so sometimes I am worth the binge, without even thinking twice about it.

      I have rambled on enough, I think I still have more to say, but for now, I’ll stop. I really, thank you for your post, you gave me a lot to think about.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. All I can say is I have been exactly where you are. Its been a long process to get where I am. Is there a way I can contact you privately to tell you. It may or may not help you

        Liked by 1 person

  5. As evidenced by the amount of people commenting, you are definitely not alone! The few days (or weeks) after a cheat meal are brutal. All the carb and sugar cravings come back and I just can’t stop thinking about bread and chips and candy.. and I also end up eating them mid-afternoon/evening. like everyone says, be kind to yourself. When those afternoon urges come, ask yourself “Can I go until bedtime without bingeing? Just today?” Only think about today because getting through just one day is easier than trying to stay on track for the whole week. I typically feel better once that one day is over and then I think the same thing the next day and soon enough you are feeling great and back on track. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I definitely have to focus myself on the right now, and today. Is it a coincidence that a lot of people are going through the same things, I’m so glad that I have the support that I am getting, it is nice to have everyone’s input, and hopefully it will help make all of us stronger!

      Liked by 2 people

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