Teenage Angst

By the time I got to my teenage years, I hated my mother.  She was still crazy, and most of time she just wasn’t very nice.  When I was growing up, I was very shy, so I didn’t have a lot of friends, and my best friend at the time, was a year younger than me.  One day, when I was 12, I came home from school, it was an ordinary day, I went to the bathroom and realized that I got my period, however, I didn’t know what was actually happening, they didn’t prepare us at my school, and my mother never told me anything, and I didn’t hear it from any of my friends.  My mother had her own ensuite and I never went there or looked in her garbage, so I was totally unaware of this horrible event that had befallen me.  The only saving grace was that it didn’t happen at school and I was wearing darker pants.  I called my mom at work in a panic, and my mother being the wonderful person she is started laughing, like hysterically, she couldn’t catch her breath, I was holding the phone with toilet paper stuffed in my underwear, sure that I was dying, and my mother, was laughing her ass off…Wow…She tells me that there are sanitary napkins in the laundry room in a large garbage bag, apparently my dad would take them from the school he worked at, but that is a whole other story….put one in my underwear and she would talk to me when she got home.  All she said when she got home was that this was normal, I was growing up, and it was called…my period.  I would say, this is probably where my moodiness would come in to play, and this really clashed with my mothers craziness.

We moved from this house the summer that I was turning 14.  And we moved to a new town, in a new region.  Really, it was about 15-20 minutes away by car, but I didn’t drive, and of course, you tell your best friend you will still visit and write, but you don’t, so that was that.

My mother got a job in the local mall, she was a hairdresser by trade, and did her schooling in Europe, so she could easily get work over the years.  She also lost this job because she would get her clients into the barber chair, and start talking about God, and being a born again Christian, and quoting the bible, well, it would make her clients very uncomfortable and she did eventually lose her job.

I did start to open up, and became more outgoing, and made friends, and I wasn’t the greatest kid, I would smoke, drink, skip school, I spent a lot of time at the mall my mom worked at – it was a big mall, and if it were during school hours, I would avoid her part of the mall so she wouldn’t see me, there was a time or two I was in the food court, smoking when she came to get her lunch, and I was sneaky, and never got caught.

My father was still working nights, and so, I would leave for several nights and not tell either of them where I was staying or what I was doing, I admit, I wasn’t the best child, sometimes, we had these conversations:

Mother:  Where are you going?

Me:  Out.

Mother:  When will you be home?

Me:  Later

Yeah, I was a peach.

Through my teen years, my mother would call me demon spawn, the devil’s own daughter, harlot, she actually called me harlot all my life, I thought it was a Hungarian word, I didn’t know until I was at a bush party when I was 15 and a girl called another girl a harlot, and I asked if she was Hungarian, how embarrassing, that was when I found out my mother had been calling me a whore for as long as I can remember.

My mother got a new job as an administrative assistant at an elevator company.  Shortly there after she announced to my father and I that she was in love with her boss, and they would be moving forward with a relationship.  Her boss, was a happily married man, and not even the least bit interested in my mother.

During that time, my dad, started looking at other houses in Pickering, and I was really excited, it was going to just be me and my dad, and we were moving and she was going to be gone, this was great.  Too bad it didn’t happen.  My mother got worse and worse, she was just mean, and of course she lost her job again.  She decided she was going to be an artist, she wrote a book, and basically just stayed at home water colouring and oil painting.  Oh and the violin, that was also a fun time, she was very bad at playing the violin.

Around this time, I also started to resent my father, he didn’t leave my mother, he was never there, and I had plenty of teenage angst to go around for everyone.

When I was 15 I moved in with a friend, and her mom took me in as a foster child, so she got assistance for having me there, it was nice, I enjoyed my time there, I felt like I had a family, I had a sister and a brother, and my foster mom had a boyfriend, and he was great, they treated me well.  However, all the pets, including my cat that I moved with me, had fleas, and they all slept on my bed with me.  I got many, many flea bites, and was very allergic to the flea bites, mostly on my legs, but they were terrible.  On my 16th birthday, my foster family took me out to a Mexican restaurant, they had a foil balloon that said sweet sixteen, my foster sister bought me the latest Jon Bon Jovi tape – Blaze of Glory – the Young Guns soundtrack – released on my birthday, it was amazing.  Such a difference from my home, my mother asked if I would visit, so I did, I won’t lie, part of me wanted my gift.  But I was the fool, I got a card, and the card said, “If you were a better daughter, we might have put money in this card.”  They invited me over for that?  Wow, it was a 45 minute walk and they did nothing for me.  I can tell you, I wasn’t the greatest kid, but why call me over, to do that.

So, shortly after that, things fell apart with my foster family, I believe that I overstayed my welcome, I spent a few nights with another friend and then I moved back home.  By now, I had met the father of my first 2 babies, let’s call him Jack, short for Jackass, he’s not that bad, but we’ll go with it,  I was burning bridges everywhere, my friends turned against me when we started dating, I had been seeing someone else, but then went home with Jack, it was purely innocent, we did a lot of talking, and nothing happened, we did click, but I decided to end it with the first guy before I started anything with Jack, my friends on the other hand thought that I was a cheater and a liar, and they all stopped talking to me, that lasted a few years, which really just pushed me and Jack together, I also decided to drop out of school.  Yup, everything was turning up roses.

Thus begins the era of Jack.  More on that next time, I thought I could get out all my teenage years, turns out, a lot happened.



2 thoughts on “Teenage Angst

  1. I’m sorry you had such a rough childhood! Was your mom not nice because she was not on her meds or did it not matter whether she was on them? Your dad is a passive-aggressive type, isn’t he? That was a shitty card to give you for your birthday! It’s almost as bad as my youngest son’s father sending him an email on his 18th birthday, breaking him down into nothing more than a monthly bill for 18 years. Yeah. He did that. It was U.G.L.Y. Honestly, though, I could not ever imagine doing that to my child or anyone else’s!

    Please show me a ‘perfect’ child! You were acting out because you probably did not know a ‘healthy’ way to express the anger, frustration, devastation, sadness and everything else you felt. Based on what you have said, you did not have very good role models in your parents. Children without good role models tend to act out and all sorts of other negative behaviors. Not saying that to excuse your behavior or any actions you took back then. Only offering a different viewpoint.

    At least you gave your ex a ‘real’ name. Mine is ‘Mr Potato Head’. LOL Although . . . He is only called that when the kids were around or I am trying to be politically correct. Haha

    But you know what? Every single thing you have been through has shaped you into the person you are today – good, bad and otherwise. You are a beautiful, brilliant, independent, strong woman!

    ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, Patti! My mother was not on meds more that on meds – she would take them for a while and be relatively normal, just regular mean mom, but then she would say I don’t need to take these pills because I’m not sick, then she was a whole different kind of crazy, when I was really little and she was having a nervous breakdown, she was good to me, when I got older, she got crazier, if that makes any sense. My dad is a little passive aggressive, he did try to do the best he could by me, unfortunately, his work got in the way, and he just wasn’t there when I needed him there.

    Your son did not deserve that, no one deserves that, I wouldn’t do anything like that to my kids or anyone else’s, either. I chose to raise my kids better, also outside of my binge eating, and some anxiety, I’m not battling a psychotic mental illness. Part of me says she’s sick just forgive her, but the other part of me hurts too much to forgive her.

    You are right, it is our struggles that tend to make us who we are, I am stronger because of it. What doesn’t kill you, right?



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