Blog Challenge – Day 3

Describe Your Relationship With Your Parents.

In a nut shell.  Not great.

The long hard truths…here it goes…

Let’s start with my dad, he is an amazing guy.  I love him dearly.  He is one of the most important people in my life, however, we’re not close.   He’s not really a hugger, or a talker, or really friendly.  He would do anything for anyone, he is just that type of man.  He is generous to a fault.  I wish he was more like family.  He is my family, but sometimes those that aren’t my family make me feel more like family.  I think he does the best he can.  I totally appreciate him, but sometimes, I just wish we were closer.  He’s getting older now, and he is almost deaf, so conversations are frustrating, he thinks that I’m yelling at him, so he gets defensive and yells back at me.  He’s not senile, and he is still very smart, however, he won’t wear his ear pieces because he says everything is too loud.  He is a good man, and I love him, and I know he would do anything for me, and he has proven that.  But I wish we felt more like family.

Now, for my mother.  This one is a doozy…my mother has been medicated with a very strong anti-psychotic, for that last 12 years.  She should have been on something for the last 60 years.  She was diagnosed with being bi-polar which made my childhood very interesting, I spent time with random family members when she was hospitalised, when she was home she could be very abusive, physically and verbally and I was able to get past all of that.  I moved out when I was 15.  When I was 17 she took off to Israel to look for God.  So she was there for years and years, and I barely spoke with her or kept in touch.  When Jeffery passed, it was the one time that I really needed my mother, my aunt sent a telegram to her and she called about 2 days later.  She told me how sorry she was, how she had a dream and saw Jeffery in God’s arms, and then I asked…When will you be flying in?  Her answer.  Oh, I don’t like funerals much.  Yup.  My mother didn’t come to my son’s funeral.  I didn’t talk to her again for years.  The next time I seen her was when my daughter was 7.  It was probably 7 years since I had seen her.  She stayed at my father’s house, even though they were divorced, because that is the type of man he is, and she proceeded to throw out everything that was Japanese in my Japanese father’s house, because it was evil.

I salvaged what I could out of the garbage bags, and she left, stayed with a friend and I didn’t see her for another 10 years.  She moved to BC, and came to Ontario for a visit.  We had dinner with my family and her, and that was the last time.  It’s been about 5 years now.

My mother is now very ill, she is still in BC and I’m still in Ontario.  She was admitted into hospital after a fall, it was quite a bad fall and she lives alone, one of her neighbours finally checked on her, and she was passed out with a blood infection, she had to have a full transfusion.  She has kidney issues as well as balance issues which are from the anti-psychotic she has been on, it was a very strong dose, and the hospital is dumbfounded as to why she was on it for so long without having regular check-ups.  She was in intensive care for a week or two, I’m still unclear on that, but stayed in hospital for over 6 weeks.  They were weening her off the anti-psychotic, and she was released, and last I heard she was back in.  I don’t know how I feel about this.  I have or had this hatred for her most of my life, but now that she isn’t well, I don’t know how I feel.  My aunt, her sister and my uncle her brother, are both out in BC, they have been updating me on her situation.  I don’t feel like I need to make the trip yet, but I probably will have to soon.  I just don’t picture her as old and frail, in my mind she was this strong, Hungarian, tyrant.  She was mean and not frail.  I can’t seem to get past that.

That’s the relationship with my parents.

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One thought on “Blog Challenge – Day 3

  1. When my father passed, I did not grieve in the “normal” sense. Sure, I was sad. However, I did not grieve his loss. None of my siblings did, either. For us, we had mourned and grieved when he abandoned our family. We had years of his absence to not really miss him much when he finally did pass.

    In order for me to get to that point, I had to let go of the pain and hurt he had caused. I have never forgotten. I am not sure if I can even say I forgave him.

    When he first returned, I did reach out to try and find out why he just up and left. I wanted to see if there was any hope we could be the ‘Daddy-Daughter’ team we were when I was a child. It was the 12-year-old girl in me wanting to be Daddy’s Little Girl again. That ship sailed. Hell, that ship got lost and then sunk in the Bermuda Triangle! I had to try, though.

    I know you never had that type of relationship with your mother. She did not have it in her. I am not asking you to try to forgive her. Not going to happen. Would never happen (me asking you to do that). I am asking, if you have not already done so, to try and let go of the pain, hurt and anger (well, most of it anyway). Believe it or not, you may feel a little “lighter” . . . As though a heavy burden has been lifted.

    I know when I finally let my “daddy issues” go, I did not seem to be in as dark, scary and twisty space as I was – for YEARS. It was weighing heavily in my mind. It was weighing heavily in my soul.

    I realize it may not seem like it, however, she did you a favor. Do you know why, Beautiful Lady? In spite of how she is, you turned out to be an amazingly strong, beautiful, intelligent, independent and fierce woman! For all the shit that has been thrown at you over the years, you take it in stride, pick up the pieces and move forward.

    Her not being present for all the important and not-as-important events in your life is HER loss. She has no one to blame but herself. Your children will NEVER EVER be able to say that about you!

    ❤ ❤

    Like

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