Wake Up Thinner

ate the kitchenI’ve only been hanging on by a thread lately, I have tried to keep reading the blogs as they are helpful, and now I am here to write.

Last week I got to a new low of 157.5, however, I am back up again.  With that said, it was my annual Candy Poker party this past weekend, and I cheated a lot, and had very many lots of beers, the good news about that though is, it isn’t two weeks later that I am here, I am back now, and working on getting back into the swing of things.  Normally, I would take a 2 week hiatus from weight loss, because you know, Easter is coming, so what’s the point in dieting for only a few days, and then I would eat a lot at Easter and go another two weeks of binging, and then be on here kind of mid-Aprilish and repent then…Of course till another party comes up.  My point is, I am here now, and I’m ready to start again now!

candy poker

This is the candy bags for the candy poker party, this one was the 9th annual, and I had 18 poker players at 3 tables, it was very successful!  The buy in is $5.00, and you get a bag of candy to play poker with, each candy has a worth, like the rockets are .05, the caramels are .10 and the tootsies are worth .25, there are also loonies and toonies (1 dollar coin and 2 dollar coin for my US friends!)

So, I have been doing some research on binge eating disorders, and I was looking to see if there were any tips online, but I only came up with a bunch of expensive options and therapy that I can’t afford.  After some more searching, I came across this program:  http://yourfatlossanswer.com/  can anyone let me know what they think of this, or if you have heard of it?  I can’t find any reviews.  It seems to be different than a regular diet, but I wanted to see if there was any input on it.

She did have 2 free tips for interrupting food cravings and I am anxious to try them to see if they actually work:

  1.  The Eye Movement Trick – when you have cravings for food, you can interrupt the craving by rapidly moving your eyes in all directions until the craving stops
  2. Conscious Breathing – when you are craving foods, simply breath.  Take a four-second nasal inhale followed by an eight-second exhale through puckered lips.  Do this about 3-4 times and the craving should be gone.

I am going to start with these two tricks tomorrow – or if I have a craving tonight, and I am going to see if that helps. I will keep you all posted!  🙂


never fail


My Pity Party

Pity Party

Ok, here I am, tail between my legs, and back to face the fire.  So I had a bad day, ate everything and then decided I needed to go on a two week binge.

What is wrong with me?  Does this happen to other people?  What happens with me is I have one great night, with friends and drinks and food, and for whatever reason I wake up the next day and continue on the “cheat day”.  Then the next day, I say “fuck it, I probably put on 5 pounds over the last two days, so why not just eat what I want right now”.  That last for a few days, and I refuse to get on the scale and my clothes get a little bit tighter, and then I go through hating myself a little more, and finally, I tell myself I will make a clean and fresh start on Monday.  Again, I ask myself, what is wrong with me?

In light of my absence from blogging, and the binging that I did, I managed to weigh in at 159 pounds, which is only a pound more than when I had my great weigh in of 158 pounds.

I feel like I am back on track now, and I have made the realization that I really need this blog, I need the support of fellow bloggers, and I can’t just sit here on my own having a pity party.


I am really focusing again, and for the last week, I have done well, but what scares me is next Saturday, I am hosting my annual Candy Poker Party.  Candy Poker was invented when I was pregnant with my son, I wanted to have some fun, and because I couldn’t drink and party, I figured that I could play cards and eat candy and well, from that Candy Poker was born, this is year is our 9th annual.  Now, I know what your thinking, but really, I don’t eat a lot of the candy, that is what we bet with and even when things are said and done, I typically don’t binge on that, my real issue is imbibing in alcohol and eating the other party snacks.  I make an awesome baked brie, with pizza dough and garlic, and you can rip off the dough and dip it in to the hot brie…it is to die for!  There are also healthy items like spinach dip and veggies, and cheese and crackers, but it is just the amount of food, and I tend to eat more when I drink.  Now, really, I don’t care about that night, I can say to myself that is a cheat night, what worries me is the next 2 weeks after Candy Poker.

That is where I need help, my goal is not to stay away from the blog and reach out for support.

If anyone has any other suggestions, I would be happy to hear them, as for now, I am back, I have a whole week to get back to where I was, and hopefully, we can stay on track.

Back on Track



One Lousy Week…

So, I am up 2 pounds…I know, I know…and yes, it is my fault, it is a combination of excuses that I have for all of you today.  It has just been a bad week all together, on Sunday, my Uncle succumbed to Liver Cancer, and it hit me a lot harder than I thought it would, I knew he was sick, I was preparing myself for the inevitable, but it happened so fast, from the date of diagnosis, it was only 5 weeks in total, and 3 weeks ago we all went to dinner, and he was able to walk and talk and move.  It really happened fast, and seeing him there, he looked so small, as if he was sleeping.  He was such a great man, I am truly going to miss him.

The rest of my week started out the best it could, I stayed within my calories till Wednesday, and on Wednesday, I decided I needed to eat everything that we have.  I had no willpower, I felt like I was starving, and I ate all the bad things that I normally don’t eat at all…You name it, I ate it, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, meat, cheese, (ok, I eat meat and cheese, just typically not massive amounts of cold cuts standing with my fridge door open) I just grazed through everything, what is it with binge eating, I did extremely well for 2 months, and then all of a sudden, there I am standing at my counter shoving my face with all the crap that we have in the house.  And because the day started like that, I stopped and picked up pizza for the kids for dinner, and of course, I ate some of that too.

So on Thursday, the only day this week that had a little light, I did well, stayed relatively within my calories, and enjoyed a night with my daughter, she had her art featured at a gallery in Toronto, she is a 4th year Photography major, and it is a pretty big deal,  and I am very proud of her.


Then today, my period started…Need I say more?  I just want to throw the towel in and eat all the bad things that my body is craving, and it is really hard to be strong right now, I had a bit of a binge day today as well.  I just had this “fuck it” like feeling, that all of us feel sometimes.

Anyway, I apologize for this not being the positive post that I normally have, and really, I don’t normally have bad days, let alone weeks, I’m typically a very happy person, and believe that I have a lot to be happy about and grateful for.

I vow to make next week a much better week, I am going to stay within my calories and beat this negative feeling.



Simply Positive!

This week was a very good week:

My Starting Weight:  175

Weight for Last Blog: 160.5

Today’s Weight:  158

Weight Loss Since Last Blog: 2.5

Total Weight Loss:  17

small changes

I am at 17 pounds lost, I know I still have a ways to go, but over the last several years, I have not lost more than 10 pounds each time I tried making a change.  So for me, this is a big day, I have been sticking to my goal of 1200 calories each day, and I have been able to get a few workouts in this week, which helps.

One of the changes that I made is the Simply Protein Bar:  http://www.simplyprotein.ca/

simply protein bar

These are amazing, they taste good (it’s not an actual chocolate bar, but it will do) and they offer the most amount of protein for the least amount of calories, these bars are available online, but I get them from Costo.  They keep you satisfied for up to 3 hours and it is only 160 calories/bar, I have tried all the flavours, and they are filling and satisfying.

I find that it is a really healthy way to keep my calorie count down.

Tonight is a girls night, and it will be the first time that I will be drinking alcohol since New Years, I have been extra good with my calories today, and I am going to do my best to not over do it, wish me luck, I am going to focus on the amazing company, and not the drinks and food.

Have a great weekend, I’ll catch up with you next week!


Closer than I was Yesterday…

Good morning, all, I hope that everyone is having a good day  so far, and staying warm, today it is -12 Celsius, here in Pickering, Ontario,  which is about 10 degrees Fahrenheit for my American friends!   🙂  Brrr…

My Starting Weight:  175

Weight for Last Blog: 162.5

Today’s Weight:  160.5

Weight Loss Since Last Blog: 2

Total Weight Loss:  14.5

I am pretty consistent and losing about 2 pounds a week, which is good…I keep telling myself, baby steps, you can’t lose all 50 pounds in a week, or a month for that matter, and I am seeing the results, but I guess, I just want to see them faster.

there yet

Looking back at my numbers in My Fitness Pal, I have been hanging in the 150-165 zone for quite some time, I reached 150.5 July 7, 2014, that is a good 18 months in the rut that I was in.  Before then I held steady in the 140-150’s for from January 3, 2014 till July 7th, 2014.  Before then from July 4th, 2013 to January 3, 2014, I was hanging in the 135’s fairly consistently.  I’d like to get myself back to 2013.  Also, back in 2009, I lost a ton of weight, doing exactly what I am doing now, which is only staying under 1200 calories, I went down to 119 pounds at that time, my hope is to do that again, but I will be happy if I get to 125-130 this time around.

This weekend is Valentine’s weekend, and my 8 year old and I will be going out for dinner, I’m not worried, I prepared, I know where we are going, I know what I am having and how many calories it is.  We are also going to fit in ice cream as a treat, and I will still be within my calorie goal.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s everyone, I will get back to you after the weekend!  🙂




I have completely stuck to my 1200 calories, however, I am only down .5 of a pound:

My Starting Weight:  175

Weight for Last Blog: 163

Today’s Weight:  162.5

Weight Loss Since Last Blog: .5

Total Weight Loss:  12.5

I know, it is a struggle, and I am trying to stay positive.

Tomorrow is my father’s 80th birthday.  There will be 10 or so of us going out to dinner to a Japanese all you can eat restaurant, and I am terrified….

The reason that I am terrified is that I did some research, and Japanese food is really high in calories, I don’t understand why most of them are so thin….I figure the fat part of me came from my Hungarian heritage.

For example:

Teriyaki Salmon – 1/2 a fillet is 233 calories

1 large shrimp tempura is 81 calories

1 large sweet potato tempura is 129 calories

and sushi rolls are about 200-375 for 6 depending on what kind

sushi 2  Sushi

I am so afraid that I won’t have enough to eat and that I will basically blow all my daily calories on dinner, which means that I’m not going to have breakfast or lunch in fear of eating too much at dinner.  When I added up the things I would like to have it came out to 1008 calories, which leaves me with 192 calories for the rest of my day.

I was really good at Mandarin, all you can eat Chinese buffet, and I have gone out to eat a couple of times, but was totally able to order something and stay within my calorie budget, but going for Japanese is really stressing me out.  Not to mention that, there is no nutritional information on the website for where I am going, and you seen the information that I did find, this doesn’t include all the things that they have or what might be ordered, and well, see I’m stressing out.

I have one more issue on top of the dinner…lunch…I specifically said that we should meet at 1:00 so that I could avoid having lunch with them, but then one of them said, oh great, we can meet for lunch, and well, I told them that I won’t be eating, and that already sucks, but I’ll now be sitting with the food…we are meeting at a friends place, they have just recently had a baby, so we are visiting the baby.

So, my game plan is to work out in the morning, and hopefully, I will give myself a calorie buffer so to speak, I am planning on having a light breakfast and a light lunch, and then dinner…well, I am going to try to do the best I can with the research that I have, and go from there, I am determined to stay under 1200 calories.

I know how selfish I sound, this is my dad’s birthday, and a big one on top of it, and I love him, and it should be about him and my family and not the food, I get that, but, I have food issues.  I don’t think like normal people, whenever I am invited out, I wonder what type of food will be there first, and I have tried to focus on the people, not the food, but it is so hard.  It is a mindset change, and I don’t know how to do that.

What do you do?  Any tips for me?

Down 12 Pounds! Yay!

It has ended up being a great few days and a really good weekend!

My Starting Weight:  175

Weight for Last Blog: 165.5

Today’s Weight:  163

Weight Loss Since Last Blog: 2.5

Total Weight Loss:  12

In total for the month of January, I have lost 12 pounds, I really can’t complain, it is all in all a good month, though, I was a little discouraged for about a week or so.

Today, I went to Mandarin with my family, for those who don’t know Mandarin is a Chinese Food Buffet restaurant.  My aunt and uncle came in from BC, and so the Japanese side of my family which was about 24 of us give or take, went to this massive buffet for lunch.


I love Mandarin, just love it, however, do you know how hard it is to stay under 1200 calories at Mandarin, it is so difficult, however, it was a long ride to the Mandarin, we went to the one in Hamilton, and I live in Pickering, so I had my daughter do a little research about the things that I love at Mandarin.  They currently don’t have any nutritional information on their website, but they do assure us it is coming soon, so for certain things like egg rolls, we picked some generic numbers, hoping that it would do.

This research turned out to be the best thing I have ever done, I ended up eating a full 816 calories at Mandarin, however, everything I ate was a well planned item.  I had an egg roll, won ton soup, grilled chicken, sautéed mushrooms and garlic broccoli, plus a salad, and rice pudding for dessert, and I was very satisfied, to be honest, I was so full, I didn’t have dinner.  This was a big win for me.

Also, after lunch, we went back to my cousins place and they had all kinds of treats, they had strudels, cheese and apple, sponge cake that my aunt makes, Japanese rice crackers, pistachios, chocolate covered almonds, and some other snacks and treats, and guess what, this is my biggest win, I didn’t have any of it, I enjoyed the company of my family without partaking in the snacks that were out, this is an extremely big win for me… I did however, look up the calories for one chocolate covered almond, and it was 17, for one, just so you know…One!  Lord, help me!  This time, I was strong, and right now, I feel great!

I hope that all of you had a strong weekend, we all need to hang in there, take each day one step at a time!